Talking to a guy on the train into work today- nice guy but after a while he started to freak me out; mainly because he kept looking at my lips- to the point I thought I had a bit of caked toothpaste tainting my bottom lip or a piece of dried cornflake was dangling from the corner of my mouth! Either that or he wanted to kiss me! Which is fine: I mean, whatever- I may not be reciprocal, but it's nice to feel attractive- even if it is to a dwarfish,spotty,bespeckled,slightly incontinent,unwashed man in his mid forties! I take the compliments where I can get them these days, y'know!
Anyway turned out he was deaf! So that was a relief- (for me anyway! Not for him -because, well, he was deaf!)
This brought to mind a few experiences that I have had with the old "non-hearing" which I thought I would share:
When I had in Dun Laoghaire back in the mid-nineties I was living with my girlfriend in a crappy apartment, you know, not long out of college- still in art student mode -believing that less was more and all that palava- when we came across a Mr "B" who happened to live in the apartment below us. Talk about noisy -f*ck me! I mean this wasn't noisy as in late night parties or the arguments resulting from a disfunctional relationship -NO! This was a deaf guy who would play his "porno" movies -full volume day and night. I finally had to drop down and explain that he needed to turn down his dial. So picture Mr "B" standing in his doorway, with his own personal "cum-laden" soundtrack blasting out from behind him and me like some "shit" amateur mime acting out knob-turning (not a pun!)and "loud" as in, me with my hands on my ears moving them back and forth like some kind of deranged imitation of Kate Bush!! *Baboska, Baboska, Baoska, ya ya!! Until finally he got the point...
On a rather over-crowed Dublin bus there was a deaf guy quite nonchalantly leaning against one of the metal standing posts. The only problem was that he was pressed up against the "buzzer" that alerted the driver that a passenger wanted off at the next stop. So here we have this deaf guy motioning back and forth with every bump in the road, hitting this buzzer, quite oblivious to the noise of the buzzer and even moreso the frustration of the bus driver. " If you want off the feckin' bus, hit the button once, ya bleedin' eejits!! Buzz,Buzz,Buzz- It got to the point the driver exited the bus and sat on the kerb- muttering like someone demented!
The best must be the time I was working as a figurine painter in Norn Iron(Don't ask!)I had completely fallen in love with this red-haired vixen who just happened to be -yeah, well you guessed it: "deaf"
We had just left the cinema in Belfast after watching a 'Nightmare on Elm St:The Dream Master' and on crossing the road to get to the pub- I momentarily let go of her arm and .... Well let's just say she didn't hear me shouting "Watch out for that bus!" Then I was like laughing to myself "What am I saying? The girl is deaf!" Not only that, but why didn't I take her to a foreign movie as at least they have subtitles!
But it was too late...
I still have a lock of her hair embroidered into an old mo-hair jumper. I did however have to dye the hair black as I did not not want to offset the "goth" vibe that I was under at that time.
* That may have been Wuthering Heights!